Battlestar GalactiRENT
by 2ndHandGuitar
Summary: BattlerstarRENT crossover! BSG characters singing your favorites songs with appilcable lyrics! Reviews are life, so hand 'em over. Enjoy. :
1. Seasons of BSG

Disclaimer: I don't own Battlestar OR Rent, but I do own my parody. :) And maybe I keep Helo in my closet.

Author's Note: You read the title right: this is the first, original, and so far only Battlestar GalactiRENT here at fanfiction or anywhere! I really had fun doing this, and I hope you have fun reading it. Some songs I skipped, or haven't done yet, and some parts of songs I skipped over. You'll notice most are true to the characters, with the exception of Tango: Sharon, which I thought would be cuter with Helo/Chief instead of the prescribed Helo/Cally. Here's the breakdown (some work, don't they?):

Mark - Helo

Roger - Lee

Mimi - Kara

Angel - Gaeta

Collins - Chief

Maureen - Sharon

Joanne - Cally

Benny - Baltar

No Anders, sorry kiddies. DO enjoy, and remember, reviews are life. XD

**BATTLESTAR GALACTIRENT**

Seasons of BSG (number not real)

All: 41,841 humans!

41,841 civvies to mock!

41,841 humans!

How do you measure your Cylon lives?

In basestars, in bathtubs, in prophets

In kill-ing people!

In Sixes, in Sharons, multiple lives.

In 41,841 humans!

How do you measure a year in-the-same-body?

How about death?

How about dying?

How about death? Measure in Battlestars.

Seasons of Battlestar! Seasons of Battlestar!

Caprica: 41,841 humans!

41,841 different ways to die!

41,841 humans!

How do you measure the life of a Seven or a Four?

Doral: In people she confused

Or bodies he had

In pregnancy attempts

Or Six's latest clothing fad…!

All: It's time now to take a break

'Cause the subplots are piling on

Let's celebrate

Remember the simple Cylons!

Remember the death!

Remember the dying!

Seasons of Battlestar!


	2. Algae :Rent:

Algae

Helo: How do you live a decent life,

When real life's getting more confusing each day

Wife's a Cylon, socks are nylon,

This new pile-on: Gaeta might be gay!

Algae!

Lee: How do you write a poem when you're all alone,

And full of teenage angst—it's bad.

Waiting for Sarah—whoops, no! Kara.

Daddy's gonna be real-ly mad!!

Helo: The algae is frozen?!

Lee: For real food it's posing.

Both: How we gonna eat,

How we gonna eat,

How we gonna eat,

This yucky algae!

Lee: How do you blow up the storage lockers when the bombs are all gone,

And it feels something your WIFE could've done.

Helo: How can you talk like that, the algae's gone to your head!

Lee: She shot my dad.

Helo: Oh, well, that's true.

Lee: We'll make our own food!

Helo: Out of paper!

Lee: …we're screwed.

Both: How we gonna eat

How we gonna eat

How we gonna eat

Stu-pid algae?!

Chief: How do you get these Vipers fixed when you've been tricked

And for dinner tonight, Cally picks!

Got a call from Dee, oh I can't see

Where is Lee?

The bar's not open until…six! OH!!

Helo: Where is he?

Chief: Could be tipsy!!

Everybody: How we gonna eat,

How we gonna eat,

How we gonna eat,

Moldy algae!!

Baltar: Stop burning things, geez!

No guns, please!

Lee: Let's get some bombs!

Helo: That really calms!

All: When they ignore, you start a war!

Helo: (Did we do that?)

All: We're not gonna eat

We're not gonna eat

We're not gonna eat

Last year's algae!

This year's algae!

Next year's algae!

Algae algae algae algae algae

We're not gonna eat algae!!!


	3. One Angsty Poem Glory

One Angsty Poem Glory

Lee: One Poem. Glory. One Poem

Before I go. Glory.

One poem before I drown and die!

Find one poem, one angsty rhyme, glory

From the hunky Viper pilot

Who's wasted on the Chief's old wine.

One poem, he had ten girls at his feet, glory

I hope Dee isn't mad now, isn't mad now

Find glory, beyond the constellation-y lights

One poem, before Adama gets

Angry – at his last son's empty life!

I can't rhyme – I can't rhyme!

Glory – one blaze of Glory

One blaze of glory – Glory

Find glory, in a poem that's kind of emo

Emo like a crashed Viper, an infernal flame.

Find, one poem, one poem about death

Glory, from the soul of a young man

The love-interest man.

Find, the one poem

Before the Cylons take hold, glory

Like my dad can get

One poem

To redeem my empty life!

I can't rhyme

And then no need to endure anymore

I can't rhyme!


	4. Light My Cigar

Light My Cigar

Lee: Dad, stop asking to check my homework—

Kara: Got a light?

Lee: I know you, you're—you're bleeding.

Kara: It's nothing, I just punched the XO

I'm happy the Old Man doesn't know.

Would you light my cigar?

What are staring at?

Lee: Nothing. Your eyes are kind of piercing.

You look familiar,

Can you make it?

Kara: Just haven't drank much in an hour.

At least the room stopped after that flight.

What?

Lee: Nothing, your evil glare reminded me of—

Kara: I always remind people of—who died?

Lee: My brother. His name was Zak.

Kara: It's out again. Sorry 'bout your bro.

Would you light my cigar?

Lee: Well.

Kara: Yeah. Oh!

Lee: It blew out again?

Kara: No, I think that I dropped my stims.

Lee: I know I've seen you out and about

When I actually used to fly.

Your cigar's out.

Kara: Frak – I had them when I walked in the door.

They were pure!

Are they on the floor?

Lee: Wait…stims?

Kara: They say that I've got the best ass, in the Viper squadron

Is it true?

Lee: What?

Kara: You're staring again.

Lee: Oh of course. I mean, it's not as nice as—uh-h, well. You look familiar.

Kara: Like your brother I killed.

Lee: WHAT?!

Kara: Nevermind. Do you go to the pilot briefings?

That's where I work, I scream.

Lee: Yes! They give you all the nuggets!

Kara: It's a living.

Lee: I didn't recognize you

Without a red face.

Kara: We could light the cigar,

Oh won't you light the cigar?

Lee: Why don't you forget those stims.

You look like your thirty.

Kara: I'm twenty! But I'm old for my age.

I was born to be bad!

We could light the cigar?

Oh what'd you do with my cigar?

Lee: That was my last match.

Kara: Our eyes'll adjust. Thank god for light bulbs.

Lee: Maybe it's not light bulbs at all. I hear Baltar screaming in his cell.

Kara: He deserves it…he deserves it.

Lee: You've got acne.

Kara: You too.

Lots. Like your father.

Do you wanna dance?

Lee: With you?

Kara: No.

With your father.

Lee: Ew.


	5. Today for Saul, Tomorrow for Money

Today for Saul, Tomorrow for Money

It was an awkward day today, in the hangar bay

When Adama lookin' angry walked on by my way

He said "Gaeta, I'll sure die,

I've got a problem with Tigh,

I need to make my EXO's drunkard wife go bye-bye.

Disgusting traitor, named Ellen, just will not leave,

I believe if you talk to Laura, this peeve

Will breathe her very last, beer-soaked breath.

The Prez will find an airlock and throw her to her death!"

Today for Saul, Tomorrow for money!

Today for Saul, Tomorrow for money!

We agreed on a fee – 10,000 cubit guarantee

Cylon-free! And a bonus

If I baby-sit Lee.

Well that was as easy as a piece of cake,

For sure as I am here Miss Tigh is floating out in space.

"It'd be my pleasure," said Roslin, as she let Ellen soar,

And pushed the setting buttons on the airlock door.

"Just like that Cylon Leo, and those two other guys,

She'll be sucked into space and we hoped that she dies."

Today for Saul, Tomorrow for money!

Today for Saul, Tomorrow for money!

Back in CIC where I met my sweet

Where he was moaning and groaning under Helo's feet

I took him to Cottle for some milk in a bottle

And washed his clothes to get the smoke smell beat!


	6. Tango Sharon

Tango Sharon

Chief: The fuel won't delay but the computer—

Helo: There's another way. Hand me something, anything.

Chief: Here's a sledgehammer.

Helo: Anything but…that.

Chief: This is weird.

Helo: It's weird.

Chief: Really weird.

Helo: Frakkin' weird.

Chief: I'm so mad I don't know what to do.

Fighting with Raptors now

They're as big as a cow

And to top it all off, I'm with you!

Helo: Feel like commiting suicide, having weird dreams in the side

And you're thinking of drinking Viper fuel?

Chief: As a matter of fact-

Helo: Tyrol, I know this act.

It's called "The Tango Sharon."

The Tango Sharon!

It's a dark dizzy Cylon-go-round.

While she keeps you moaning.

Chief: You're wrong –

Helo: She's somewhere downloading.

Chief: It's all different now.

Helo: You resist but you cave

When she pets your microwave

Yet you rave and you're saved and rebound.

Chief: I think I know what you mean.

Both: The Tango Sharon.

Helo: Has she ever raiding the arms locker

And shot…Adama.

Chief: Not recently.

Helo: Do her lips taste a bit metallic to you?

Chief: I want my Momma.

Did you swoon when she paced in her cell?

Helo: All the time, I have to think…

Chief: Did she moon over computers and things?

Helo: More than moon -

Chief: I need a…drink.

Helo: Where'd you learn to tango?

Chief: In gym class in elementary school with someone I can't even remember. And you?

Helo: With Starbuck one night when she was realllllllllly, reallllllly drunk.

It's hard to do this backwards.

Chief: You should try it with a guy that's over a foot taller than you.

She cheated.

Helo: She cheated.

Chief: Sharon cheated.

Helo: Frakkin' cheated.

Chief: Our species is defeated we should give up, right now.

Helo: Gotta look on the bright side

With all of your might.

Chief: You'd fall for her still anyhow.

Both: When you're fighting their fight

You question if you're right

And then Roslin's spite makes you fall!

Helo: So you think while you're worth—

Chief: Dance a tango to Earth.

Both: At least you'll have tangoed at all.

The Tango Sharon!

Gotta fight 'til they let her out of the brig.

You pretend to believe her, so the Admiral will leave her...alone.

But her treason will come

And you'll have to play dumb

While you whine and complain and

Get promoted.

Helo: Why do we love when she's emo?

Chief: She can be such a demon…

Both: My Cylon!


	7. Faster than Light, Tonight

Faster than Light, Tonight

Kara: What's the time?

Well it's gotta be close to my shift.

My stomach's talking to me,

It says, "I need another drink."

It says, "I wanna go play some poker,

Wanna be the cause of a fight,

Wanna punch out the XO, and flirt

With the guard in the brig.

I had a knack, from way back

Breaking the rules once

Or twice…or three times.

Get up, it's time to jump

I feel really pumped

Let's hope we don't jump into a star!

We will need lots of cubits

These days tylium's not free

But you can get it cheap if you just get it from Lee!

Let's go faster than light,

I have to go faster than light.

You wanna play? Let's jump away,

We won't be back

Before it's Colonial day

FTL tonight! Frak!

When I get a wink from Adama

You know how lucky you'll be?

That you're on the ship with the lady of the CIC?

Let's go faster than light

I have to go faster than light

You wanna fly?

Be my main guy?

We'll take the Blackbird and hope we don't die.

Faster than light!

After my shift I've got to roam

Can't sleep in the bucket of wired telephones

Too frakkin' much like home

With my artsy paintings.

So let's get to the bar.

Get so drunk we forget who we are

And maybe Saul will be

There so I can punch him!

Let's go faster than light, uh-huh

I have to go faster than light

Chief put a windshield wiper on my Viper

We could go nab toasters if Kat's not too hyper.

Just take me faster than light.

Please take me faster than light

Don't frakkin' break me – faster than light

I'll let Sam make me – faster than light

Than light – than light – than light


	8. Galactica :La Vie Boheme:

Galactica (La Vie Boheme)

Gaeta: Who died?

Baltar: My moral character.

Gaeta, Chief, Lee: You had some?

Baltar: You make fun, yet I'm the one

Who got elected president.

Or do you really want to represent

The species that sleeps with anybody any night?

Galactica, Galactica,

There's no way to duck it

This is New Caprica.

Galactica's a bucket.

Helo: Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes…

Lee and Chief: episode opening chant

Helo: Here she lies, know one knew her worth

Halfway there on the road to Earth

On this night, when we celebrate the birth

In that little town on Geminon,

Though we're at odds, you bet the gods to-

Galactica.

All: Galactica

Galactica

Galactica

Galactica

Helo: To days of fighting Cylons

Playing pyramid, making

Time for Laura's romance,

The need for brick phones

To communicate

To going against the grain

Drive the Admiral insane, 'til he's mad.

Too much suspension, and tension

No more than one dimension (thank gods)

Hating the mention of a presidential convention

Not to mention of course

Hating Lee Adama's dad.

To flying your Viper into

The orange suits

Sharon shoots, to the newest recruits,

Minor disputes, to brawls,

Rolling down the halls

To Gaeta dressed in plaid!

Out-smarting the toasters for once, instead of acting dumb!

All: Galactica! Galactica!

Cavil: Ahem.

Sharon: Hey priest! You're not deceased!

Cottel: So that's five algae burger, four algae salad, three soy algae dinner, two vegan algae platter and one algae milkshake with Spam.

Lee: Ew.

Chief: It tastes like algae.

Kara: If you close your eyes.

Cottel: And 13 orders of algae fries. Is that it here?

All: Algae and Beer!

Kara and Cally: To hand-crafted booze

Made in Chief's own still for free

To boxing, to boxing, to dead bodies that we'll freeze

To Raptors, to Vipers, to civvies on the ground

To sleeping with anything as long as it moves around

Sharon and Chief: To toasters, to boasters, to octagonal posters

Cloud-9, land mines—

Helo: Super glow-y red spines.

Sharon and Chief: To Lee, marries Dee, whether their chemistry is right,

Chief: Black market

Gaeta: And Zarek

All: Blowing stuff up left and right.

Chief and Lee: Roslin, Tory, and Billy tried to dodge.

Chief: Sam Anders!

Lee: I'm a commander!

Sharon: To sabotage!

All: To Gina, to Athena, the Astral Queen, too!

Helo and Kara: Why Six left the basestar, back in deep space star

Cause D'Anna was acting up!

All: Galactica!

Cavil: Deceased?

Sharon and Cally: Downloaded.

Chief and Gaeta: Secondary characters!

Helo, Gaeta and Kara: 12 Cylon models, and Doc Cottel, last homo-sapiens

Projecting then, the stims, and on top of that there's

Gaius Baltar

Dog bowl, Cain's mole, the Cylon soul,

Anders and Kara getting smoochy, Ellen Tigh and,

The late Zak Adama.

All: Complete apathy, to entropy, no empathy or ecstasy

Flattop's landing – The Pegasus, CIC

Lee's got no shame, but still playing the Fame Game.

Chief: To Raptor fuel!

All: To way too many gods for me,

Look what the cat dragged up.

Baltar: Six….six…six…six!

All: Galactica!

Chief: In honor of Battlestar Galactica, an impromptu wild party will commence immediately following dinner.

Sharon Valerii, just back from her successful downloading into a new body after retrieving her daughter from a Cylon basestar,

Will scream at the top of her lungs at Helo,

Through soundproof glass, while he smacks at her cell door in an attempt at rhythm

Neither of them are entirely sane.

Lee: And Karl Agathon himself will then run off and prevent Adama from killing the entire race of Cylons because he thinks they should all just get along.

Helo: And Kara Thrace, flying only with her teeth, will attempt a daring rescue of Anders floating through space as he manages to stay alive by only holding his breath.

And Lee Adama will attempt to write an angsty poem about his very messed up life…

Lee: Once I loved a girl

Now, when I see her, I just want to hurl

Cause she married Anders, and I married Dee

I guess there's nothing left in the world for me.

Helo: That…doesn't make us want to commit suicide too.

Chief: And Felix Gaeta will model the latest fall fashions from Aerilon while visions of Gaius dance in her head.

Gaeta: And Tyrol will grow a beard, amazingly, in just one episode, and while he attempts to fix every Viper in the hangar deck so when they launch they spell out the words--!

All: DIE CYLON LOVERS DIE


	9. New Caprica :Santa Fe:

New Caprica

Gaeta: The CIC.

Chief: Uh huh.

Gaeta: Center of the universe.

Chief: Well…

Gaeta: Times are frakky.

And knowing us, it'll get worse.

Lee: I hear that.

Gaeta: It's a comfort to know

When you're thinking you should leave

That anywhere else you could possibly go after Galactica would be…

Hard to breathe.

Chief: Now you're talking

I'm irritated by pilot's complaints

And I'm sick of fixing Vipers – it's so slow.

There's suicide in my sleep, I need restraints

And we enlisted men get poor salary, so

Let's open up a restaurant on New Caprica

Dreary, brown New Caprica'd be cool

We'll open up a restaurant on New Caprica

And leave this to Adama's rule.

Oh-oh

Helo, Lee, Gaeta: Oh-oh-oh

Gaeta: You fix?

Chief: Yeah I fix. Raptors and Vipers.

But my recruits are all in diapers.

Gaeta: Galactica.

Helo, Gaeta, Lee and Chief: Galactica!

Chief: We'll open up a restaurant on New Caprica,

And save from Cylon-ation our brains.

Helo, Gaeta, Lee and Chief: We'll pack up all our junk and fly not far away.

Devote ourselves to living normal lives

We'll open up a restaurant on New Caprica,

Forget our old Battlestar strifes.

Oh, oh. Ohhh-ohhhh-ohhhh.

Chief: Do you know they way, to new Caprica?

You know, tumbleweeds…pyramid courts…?

All: Yeah.


End file.
